Women aren't allowed to sweat

Sometimes the most feminist statements come out of my boyfriend's mouth. Excuse me, my fiance. People keep correcting me when I say boyfriend, as if it's the end of the fucking world if I don't remind everyone I talk to that I'm planning a wedding and am therefore spending all my money and, ipso facto, better than you. I MEAN OBVIOUSLY I'm better because: bride. Everyone knows that.

Whatever. You know what I mean! We need a better, less stuffy word than fiance. The man who lives with me and has been my romantical-type partner for the last 5 years plus. Him. He said that.

Wait. Let me back up.

I've been on the hunt for the right deodorant for like the last forever months. And finding one that doesn't have antiperspirant in it is just fucking impossible apparently! The aluminum in it makes my poor armpits hurt and, honestly, I'm okay with the sweat. My whole damn body sweats. If I wanted to do away with sweat, I'd have to coat my entire back and boobs and ass with Clinical Strength Secret 12 times a day.

I'm gonna sweat and, like, people can just deal with that. I just want something fresh to mask or absorb the odor while this lady is dripping sweat all over herself in the middle of a workday. Aside: if this is how it is at 36, I can't WAIT for menopause one day! What a treat!

But deodorant companies do not agree. For the record, FIANCE'S deodorant doesn't have antiperspirant in it. And it's not Tom's either; it's Dove for Dudes (pretty sure that's what it's called). Which I find deliciously ironic! Men, who are supposed to be muscle sweat beasts just doing it with the sportsy testosterone manliness parade (which is a whole other blog post), THEY can find their non-antiperspirant deodorant just fine thankyouverymuch. That is an option for them.

Women? Not so much. Not one traditional brand is antiperspirant-free. Toms is like the only one and, honestly, it doesn't work that great. I use it for lack of better options. I found other natural brands online, but the prices!!! Who is spending upwards of 16 bucks on deodorant? Again, planning a wedding; I don't have the extra funds to be blowing on fabulous luxuries like designer handbags and deodorant. I'm not Oprah.

I thought for a while of making my own with like baby powder and coconut oil or something, but let's be honest. I'm too fucking lazy to make my own deodorant. Not only am I not Oprah, I'm also not Martha Stewart nor Laura Ingalls. That is just not happening.

So it was in the midst of just such a rant in the middle of Target (aka my church) that Fiance said, "Apparently women just aren't allowed to sweat."


I get really excited when he nails the whole ally thing.

The great thing about him is that he's always been good at listening and learning from me when it comes to things like feminism. As you may have guessed, I'm a fairly rabid and loud and stubborn woman. I'm passionate and tenacious and, while I'm very proud of those qualities in myself, I recognize that I can be a handful and maybe that's a little overwhelming. But he, unlike many men I've known,  even when I call him out on something I don't agree with, he doesn't mansplain or shut me down. He listens and he gets it.

It's one of my favorite things about him.

And then gems like that come out of his mouth and then I just die.

It's a little more than irritating that feminist men like him are a rarity, that it IS such an amazing thing when we hear men say something spot-on or really BE allies to women. One wonders what the fuck, guys?

Because we can't smash the patriarchy without men too.


  1. I'm so here for the feminist men in my life. It gets even more powerfully heart-melting when your husband packs up the fam to head down to the women's march because WTF America and we have to teach our daughters to fight the patriarchy now.

    But also...can you not use men's deodorant? The smell is a little strong and/or not traditionally feminine, but I use my husband's in a pinch and no one has ever revoked my lady card (yet).

    1. no I have a SUPER sensitive nose and men's deodorant is SO smelly to me! it makes me ill.

  2. I never noticed that about women's deodorant. I noticed it for men's because my husband requests antiperspirant and deodorant. Crazy how many options we have for brands and scents and roll-ons or gels or sprays but not sans aluminum.
    I think Shea moisture/Nubian heritage has natural deodorant but not sure about the scents though, might be sold at tarjay too.

    1. ooooh I'll check that out! thanks, Shell! <3

  3. I'm so grateful to have men like this in my life.

    Re: sweating. I am super sweaty. Underweight, overweight, always sweaty. I'm a little hot box. I have sometimes felt self conscious about it but mostly I don't-- maybe because I spent all my adolescence and young adulthood in the dance studio where that sort of thing was encouraged.

    I tried to make my own deodorant but it didn't manage an 18-hour, stress - filled day's amount of smell. Similarly, Honest and some of the other brands of deodorant spray smell nice but aren't that long lasting (I keep a spray deodorant in my car though because it doesn't melt in the So Cal heat).

    Ultimately I landed on this aluminum-free Arm and Hammer deodorant and it has worked for me for the last few years:

    There is an unscented version as well, which I have not tried.

    Anyway, I feel you girl. Good luck on your search.

    1. thanks for the rec! I'll try it! <3


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