Ode to My Baby Pool

We've put up an inflatable baby pool in the backyard and, while I have a tiny fear this makes me peak white trash (having grown up fairly white trash, appearing as such is one of my fears), I also don't give a fuck because it's awesome.

Seriously. It's just long enough and deep enough for me to use my floaty raft in (another amazing invention) and I can lay in it and relax just like the fancy ladies do in their fancy pools. If I close my eyes, I feel just like this:

I am such a water baby. Put me in the water or on the water or even with a good view of water and I'm relaxed. Even the sight of a water glass with ice cubes and a lemon wedge can send me to heaven. Heh. Maybe not the last one, though I do love a lemon wedge. 

Is there anything better than floating on water in your backyard on a hot summer day? The sun warming my skin while the slight breeze cools it again, my feet dangling in the water, listening to the sounds of my neighborhood: the wind in the trees, the annoying dog barking 3 houses down, the birds gossiping, my cat who pretends not to know me because, outside, he's not a cat; he's a cougar, a cougar doing very important cougar things like running around in the grass and rolling around in the dirt and pretending to hunt imaginary bugs which he never catches. 

And I don't feel fat in the water or on my floaty raft. My body feels perfect in the water.  I can lay on my stomach without feeling like I may die and I can luxuriate in my backyard without feeling like my body is up for judgment. In fact, fat only aides you in the water, because fat is buoyant. So when the boat sinks, you muscly folks are totes going down while I float away to safety. That's totally how it works. 

Basically, my baby pool is for grownups only and I wish I had nothing to do this summer but float in it. When I'm old and retired, plant me by the ocean or at the pool and I'll just be in the water every day and who cares about skin cancer because I'll be old and may as well enjoy every moment!