"But you're not THAT fat" and other shit that bugs me

Here are some of the things that have been on my mind lately, but don't warrant full posts:


Talking about body positivity in terms of fat being a bad word. 

"Don't call yourself FAT!" "You're not even that fat!" And other such bullshit.

Fat is not a bad word. Loving yourself by qualifying a scale of desirable bodies isn't body positivity; it's just playing thin privilege in a larger size. I am fat. I'm more fat than some and less fat than others. None of us are better than anyone else because of how much or how little fat we carry around on our bodies.

Stop being afraid of fat! Stop saying that acknowledging my fat is a lack of self-esteem, when it's quite the opposite. Loving my body means learning to love ALLLLLLL of my body. It's a process, but it's MY process.


Allyship is confusing 

But maybe that's okay.  I had the most positive conversation with a friend the other day about how we struggle with our allyships to different communities. I was struggling with how to be an ally to my Jewish friends and she, being Jewish, gave me advice while comparing to her own confusions in being an ally to others. And I think we both learned a bunch, but also felt more connected - which is really kind of the point right?

Look, being an ally won't be easy. I often feel like I'm doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, not knowing when to shut up or when to speak up. It's hard, but it's SUPPOSED to be hard, I think. Being an ally to marginalized communities has never been the school bake sale and, now, in our hyper-violent environment, it's gonna get harder.

I think that, instead of feeling frustrated or confused in silence (which is what I often do), it's okay to reach out to a trusted friend to share experiences. This is also difficult because we don't want to lay our burdens on someone who is MORE burdened, but I'm just going to follow my instincts with the person, time, and place, to vent a little and to ask questions. There's so much on the internet, but sometimes you just need a gut check. Sometimes you just need a friend to tell you that she doesn't know everything either and that we're all charting this course without a clear map.


Our society is full of rapists, but some are lauded or forgiven for some fucking reason. 

Hef, Cosby, Weinstein, Trump...it would take days to list all of the men in power who rape and assault and harass, but, while some of these men face consequences (and rightfully so), others get reverence and approval. And why in the fuck is that? I don't care what art you make or what contributions you make to society, if you harm women (or play your part in hurting anyone that isn't cis/hetero/male), you're garbage. No good deeds erase that behavior. As I was discussing with a friend today, most women feel scared alone with a powerful man (be it her boss or a celebrity) by default, but we're more concerned about HIS reputation than her state of constant fear? FUUUUUUCK that.

And I don't care if that person just died or if his friends and family are grieving. Do you respect the rights of those who grieved Hitler? Too harsh a comparison? Because to a rape victim, a rapist is HER Hitler. Not everyone deserves grief.

A year ago, I found out a long-time friend was a rapist. Up to then, I'd thought of him as a great guy! Funny, sweet, etc. Now I think of him as a rapist, which is the appropriate response. People who insist on being friends who rapists are also garbage people.


Speaking of men, when are we gonna talk about white terrorism and mass murderers?

Guns are bad and bullshit and too prevalent and easy to obtain. Fullstop. But what is also bad and bullshit and too prevalent? White male entitlement and toxic masculinity.

I REALLY want to make this one a full post, but this is what's mulling around in my head right now (this will be really reductive until I can flesh it out and do more research):

Men in our culture aren't raised to have emotional intelligence. By this, I mean that boys (speaking cis-gendered now) aren't generally allow to have or express or explore their emotions. Also, studies are showing that men who have higher emotional intelligence tend to understand women's social cues better and, thus, are less likely to harass or rape, etc.

Boys are also taught that violence and anger are the only acceptable masculine responses and they're taught to fear anything that resembles the feminine (be it emotional or physical or anything that dares break gender roles). Then you raise these white boys in a strict patriarchal white supremacist hierarchy in which they're both shown they're at the top of the privilege ladder and that women and people who break gender roles or who aren't white challenge their status or deny them what they think they deserve (money, job, popularity, power, sex, etc) so they're angry and resentful, and toss in some assault weapons or bombs or what have you, and I think you have a recipe for a mass murder.

After watching that TV miniseries about the Unabomber, I read his manifesto and then started reading about the many mass shooters we've had in America and I really think this is the key. I bet it's the same with serial killers, who also tend to be white men. The difference is the type of weapon which causes a terror event vs serial murder, but I bet there's a lot of similarities in the criminal profile.


What else? What is bugging you?