I'm meeting my relatives for the first time ever

I've never met a person I was related to. Isn't that wild? 

And now I've been invited to go to a family reunion of my birth mom/first mom's mother's side and I'm going! I'm going and I'm excited!

What I've been disappointed in, however, has been some people's reactions to this news. Some select few have been amazingly supportive. Some, however, have said:

"Don't get your hopes up."

"Try not to be disappointed."

"Don't expect too much."

"Family is a complicated."

"Now you can check this box and be done."

I understand that people want to protect me or that they're projecting their own experiences onto me or, even, that they're programmed to demonize first families to further prop up the institution of adoption. But, first and foremost, it's infantilizing. I'm a 42yo grown ass adult who has been through many years of therapy to get to this point in my journey. I need support, like a human does, but I have not taken this lightly or am I jumping into this blindly. Family is complicated? I fucking know! I wasn't born yesterday, but people treat adoptees like we're perpetual infants to be saved.

I know family is hard. I know these people are complicated human beings and not some fantasy I've possibly built up since childhood. I may not even like them. They may turn out to be bigots for all we know! We're white people in America, so the chances are high. I have no idea who they are yet. But that right there is the crux of the problem - I've been denied knowing them and who they are and having the choice of disliking or liking them, as happens in all families. There are members of my adoptive family that I adore and others that I cannot fucking stand. I deserve the chance to experience that with the people I was born to. Kept people take it for granted that they know their families. However wonderful or however awful, they have the privilege of KNOWING.

Also, every adoptee fears secondary rejection in reunion, so I'm aware of that and ready for it. They may not like ME. Lots of people don't like me. I'm a LOT. I'm opinionated and brassy and loud and stubborn. You don't have to like that and they probably won't like that. But I'm not going into this for approval. I'm going into this because I need it, because I need to meet people who I'm related to, to see my face in their faces and hear their stories and know where I came from, warts and all. And, honestly, since my mother won't be there, can't be there, won't ever be there, the pressure has lessened a little. 

Family is complicated, yes, and I deserve to have that complication.

But so far? The aunt I've been talking to has been welcoming and kind and very no-pressure. She said, "I'd really love to meet you!" And that's enough for me to feel hopeful going into this. I deserve that hope. I deserve to be excited. I deserve to want to know them, no matter who they are. 

I deserve to celebrate this moment. I've worked hard to get ready for this next step. I want to feel excited about it, despite also having readied myself for any and all accompanying and complicated emotions. I want to hear things like, Congrats! That's huge! I'm here for you! How are you feeling? I'm asking for support and nothing short of it. If you can't offer that, don't say anything. 

And you can wish me luck!